It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
