1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Apparently you make a good broom.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube