idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?