My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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