I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness