I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
