God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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