i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
