I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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