forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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