We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
