i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
