Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
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Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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