so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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