Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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