Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
