Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
