I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
