I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
