He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
