is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
