she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
