Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
