I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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