You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
