Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
