I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
