I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
