So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
