I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
