im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
