just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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