True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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