I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
