I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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