Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
