Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
