watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
