apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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