I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
