every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
