just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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