Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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