I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
His hands were made for my vagina.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
