God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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