If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
