also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
