why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so let's talk penis.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
