in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
