The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
