I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
