it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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