absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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