i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
