I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
