It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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