If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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