There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
