Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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