Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
