the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
