It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
