he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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