Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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