It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
