I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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