You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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