We're facebook friends in real life
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
