her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
