Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
