Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
