i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
