i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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