I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Be still, my beating vagina.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
