So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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