i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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