When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
