i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
