i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
