It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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