you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
