oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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