Soap is not a condiment
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have tasted many bathrooms
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
