Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
