pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
